Monster Playmat Tube (clear blue w/blue lid)
[Inigo and Fezzik arrive with Westley's body in front of a small wooden house.]
[Inigo knocks on the door]
Voice: [from inside, irritated] Go away...
[Inigo knocks harder until a very old man answers. He looks through a hole cut in the door]
Max: [Old man] What?! What?!
Inigo: Are you the Miracle Max who worked for the king all those years?
Max: The king's stinking son fired me. And thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut, and pour lemon juice on it. We're closed! [Max closes a flap over the door hole, but Inigo still knocks] Beat it or I'll call the brute squad!
Fezzik: I'm on the brute squad.
Max: You are the brute squad!
Inigo: We need a miracle. It's very important.
Max: Look, I'm retired. Besides, why would you want someone the kings stinking son fired. I might kill whoever you want to make the miracle.
Inigo: He's already dead.
Max: He is, eh? I'll have a look. Bring him in. [They enter. Max examines Westley.] I've seen worse.
Inigo: Sir...Sir.
Max: Huh?
Inigo: We're in a terrible rush.
Max: Don't rush me sonny. You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles. You got money?
Inigo: Sixty-five.
Max: Sheesh! I never worked for so little; except once and that was a very noble cause.
Inigo: This is noble sir. His wife is...crippled...children on the brink of starvation...
Max: Are you a rotten liar.
Inigo: I need him to help avenge my father, murdered this twenty years.
Max: Your first story was better. Where's that bellows cramp. He probably owes you money, huh. Well, I'll ask him.
Inigo: He's dead. He can't talk.
Max: Ooooohhh! Look who knows so much, eh! It just so happens that your friend here is only mostly dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Please open his mouth. [He inserts the bellows] Now, mostly dead is slightly alive. Now, all dead...well, with all dead, there's usually only one thing that you can do.
Inigo: What's that?
Max: Go through his clothes and look for loose change. [Max pumps air into Westley and yells at him] Hey! Hello in there! Hey! What's so important? Whatcha got here, that's worth living for? [Max pushes on Westley's chest]
Westley: [barely audible] True....love....
Inigo: [excited] True love! You heard him! You could not ask for a more noble cause than that.
Max: Sonny, true love is the greatest thing in the world; except for a nice MLT - Mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich - when the Mutton is nice and lean, and the tomato's ripe. They're so perky. I love that. But that's not what he said! He distinctly said, 'to blaithe.' And as we all know, to blaithe means to bluff. So, you were probably playing cards and he cheated...
Old woman: [interrupting] Liar!! Liar!! Liarrrrrrr!
Max: Get back, witch!
Old woman: I'm not a witch, I'm your wife. But after what you just said, I'm not even sure I want to be that anymore.
Max: You never had it so good. [Max smiles at Inigo]
Valerie: [Max's wife] True love, who said true love, Max?
Max: Don't say another word, Valerie...[Inigo looks on in disbelief]
Valerie: You're afraid. Ever since Prince Humperdinck fired him, his confidence has shattered.
Max: [yelling] Why'd you say that name?! You promised me that you would never say that name!
Valerie: What, Humperdinck?!
Max: [cringes] Ahh!!
Valerie: Humperdinck!
Max: Ahh!! [Valerie is chasing Max around the room yelling. Max is covering his ears]
Valerie: Humperdinck!
Max: Ahh!!
Valerie: Humperdinck!
Max: Ahh!!
Valerie: [now in a sing-songy voice] Humperdinck.... Humperdinck! Humperdinck! Humperdinck! Humperdinck!
Max: I'm not listening!
Valerie: True love, life expiring and you don't have the decency to say why you won't help!
Max: Nobody's hearing nothing!
Valerie: Humperdinck! [She continues to yell 'Humperdinck']
Inigo: [interrupting] This is Buttercup's true love. If you heal him, he will stop Bob Hope's wedding!
Max: [to Valerie] Shut up!
Inigo: Thank you. Thank you.
Max: Wait, wait. I make him better, Humperdinck suffers?
Inigo: Humiliations galore!
Max: Ha ha!! I'm gonna action off the dalmation. That is a noble cause! Give me the sixty-five! I'm on the job!
Valerie:Woo hoo!
[Max, with help from Valerie concocts a pill for Westley.]
Inigo: That's a miracle pill?
Valerie: The chocolate coating makes it go down easier. But, you have to wait fifteen minutes before potency. And, he shouldn't go in swimming after for at least...
Max: [jumping in] An hour!
Valerie: An hour.
Max: ...A good hour.....Here. [gives Inigo the pill]
Inigo: [leaving] Thank you for everything.
Max: Okay! [Inigo and Fezzik leave]
Valerie: Bye bye, boys!
Max: Have fun storming the castle!
Valerie: [to Max] Think it will work?
Max: It would take a miracle.
Max and Valerie: [waving] B-bye!
[Inigo knocks on the door]
Voice: [from inside, irritated] Go away...
[Inigo knocks harder until a very old man answers. He looks through a hole cut in the door]
Max: [Old man] What?! What?!
Inigo: Are you the Miracle Max who worked for the king all those years?
Max: The king's stinking son fired me. And thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut, and pour lemon juice on it. We're closed! [Max closes a flap over the door hole, but Inigo still knocks] Beat it or I'll call the brute squad!
Fezzik: I'm on the brute squad.
Max: You are the brute squad!
Inigo: We need a miracle. It's very important.
Max: Look, I'm retired. Besides, why would you want someone the kings stinking son fired. I might kill whoever you want to make the miracle.
Inigo: He's already dead.
Max: He is, eh? I'll have a look. Bring him in. [They enter. Max examines Westley.] I've seen worse.
Inigo: Sir...Sir.
Max: Huh?
Inigo: We're in a terrible rush.
Max: Don't rush me sonny. You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles. You got money?
Inigo: Sixty-five.
Max: Sheesh! I never worked for so little; except once and that was a very noble cause.
Inigo: This is noble sir. His wife is...crippled...children on the brink of starvation...
Max: Are you a rotten liar.
Inigo: I need him to help avenge my father, murdered this twenty years.
Max: Your first story was better. Where's that bellows cramp. He probably owes you money, huh. Well, I'll ask him.
Inigo: He's dead. He can't talk.
Max: Ooooohhh! Look who knows so much, eh! It just so happens that your friend here is only mostly dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Please open his mouth. [He inserts the bellows] Now, mostly dead is slightly alive. Now, all dead...well, with all dead, there's usually only one thing that you can do.
Inigo: What's that?
Max: Go through his clothes and look for loose change. [Max pumps air into Westley and yells at him] Hey! Hello in there! Hey! What's so important? Whatcha got here, that's worth living for? [Max pushes on Westley's chest]
Westley: [barely audible] True....love....
Inigo: [excited] True love! You heard him! You could not ask for a more noble cause than that.
Max: Sonny, true love is the greatest thing in the world; except for a nice MLT - Mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich - when the Mutton is nice and lean, and the tomato's ripe. They're so perky. I love that. But that's not what he said! He distinctly said, 'to blaithe.' And as we all know, to blaithe means to bluff. So, you were probably playing cards and he cheated...
Old woman: [interrupting] Liar!! Liar!! Liarrrrrrr!
Max: Get back, witch!
Old woman: I'm not a witch, I'm your wife. But after what you just said, I'm not even sure I want to be that anymore.
Max: You never had it so good. [Max smiles at Inigo]
Valerie: [Max's wife] True love, who said true love, Max?
Max: Don't say another word, Valerie...[Inigo looks on in disbelief]
Valerie: You're afraid. Ever since Prince Humperdinck fired him, his confidence has shattered.
Max: [yelling] Why'd you say that name?! You promised me that you would never say that name!
Valerie: What, Humperdinck?!
Max: [cringes] Ahh!!
Valerie: Humperdinck!
Max: Ahh!! [Valerie is chasing Max around the room yelling. Max is covering his ears]
Valerie: Humperdinck!
Max: Ahh!!
Valerie: Humperdinck!
Max: Ahh!!
Valerie: [now in a sing-songy voice] Humperdinck.... Humperdinck! Humperdinck! Humperdinck! Humperdinck!
Max: I'm not listening!
Valerie: True love, life expiring and you don't have the decency to say why you won't help!
Max: Nobody's hearing nothing!
Valerie: Humperdinck! [She continues to yell 'Humperdinck']
Inigo: [interrupting] This is Buttercup's true love. If you heal him, he will stop Bob Hope's wedding!
Max: [to Valerie] Shut up!
Inigo: Thank you. Thank you.
Max: Wait, wait. I make him better, Humperdinck suffers?
Inigo: Humiliations galore!
Max: Ha ha!! I'm gonna action off the dalmation. That is a noble cause! Give me the sixty-five! I'm on the job!
Valerie:Woo hoo!
[Max, with help from Valerie concocts a pill for Westley.]
Inigo: That's a miracle pill?
Valerie: The chocolate coating makes it go down easier. But, you have to wait fifteen minutes before potency. And, he shouldn't go in swimming after for at least...
Max: [jumping in] An hour!
Valerie: An hour.
Max: ...A good hour.....Here. [gives Inigo the pill]
Inigo: [leaving] Thank you for everything.
Max: Okay! [Inigo and Fezzik leave]
Valerie: Bye bye, boys!
Max: Have fun storming the castle!
Valerie: [to Max] Think it will work?
Max: It would take a miracle.
Max and Valerie: [waving] B-bye!
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